Tomorrow Is The Walk Of Shame 100 Year Storm
Time Out – Start stocking up on Gatorade, Advil and stranger’s hoodies because the New York metropolitan area is about to get hit with a Walk of Shame perfect storm this weekend. Due to a number of converging factors including global warming, out-of-date government timekeeping policies and overachieving athletes, New Yorkers can expect to see a lot more than the usual amount of slutty cats and sexy firemen stumbling around the city this November 1. Is New York prepared? What spandex zone are you in? Here are some of the contributing factors:
1. Halloween is on a Saturday
2. Street closures
3. Unseasonably warm weather
4. This year’s costume trends
5. Daylight Saving Time
For people like me, who love people watching/judging in public, Halloween is my Christmas, New Years and Steak and Blowjob day, wrapped up in one. I live in a young building so I make up to run errands early, just so I can pass through the lobby a few times and catch a sexy bumble bee or Princess Jasmine with mascara all over the place trying to slink back into their apartment unnoticed. But just when they thing they made it back, there I am noticing.
That’s just a normal year but this year there are so many factors that are colliding to make it the best chance to see a bunch of embarrassed people who maybe need to factor a little less Fireball into their decision making. Lets look at the factors:
1. Halloween is on a Saturday – I’m 30 and married so a weekend Halloween has a totally different meaning to me now. In 2009 when the Yankees were winning the World Series, I knew it would be my last weekend Halloween I enjoyed, but thanks to Twitter I not only get to people watch in person but online with you guys while getting ready for Football to start.
2. Street closures – Realistically with Uber I wasn’t sure how many people would be walking, but then I remembered that with so many people living above their means in NYC and tourists in town for the Marathon, surge pricing may get us a few extra “Yeah I’m just wearing lingerie and ears but I’m a cat.” walking home.
3. Unseasonably warm weather – Is global warming real? Don’t know and don’t care, but I do know that girls hate dealing with coat check so 55 degrees at 8pm when they start pregaming is going to be enough to leave the coats at home and feel “warm” basically wearing nothing. The cold can also be combated with one extra shot before you leave the house. That’s basic bitch logic 101.
4. This year’s costume trends – I’m not sure what makes this year different than other years, because girls are going to find a way to be a sexy something and 9 guys will show up at the bar in the same costume that they each thought was original and topical regardless of the year. Whether its a sexy Donald Trump or Pizza Rat or whatever is trendy, girls have been showing skin like its Memorial Day on Halloween since the beginning of time.
5. Daylight Saving Time – This is my favorite factor because every single person has been in a bar on Daylight Saving night and treated the extra hour of drinking like it was the second coming of Christ. It’s a thing you do when you’re young and dumb, but then again without that young and dumb attitude, I wouldn’t have any people to watch pull a walk of shame tomorrow.
I think we all have a responsibility to make this the best Halloween walk of shame ever. So if you’re young and partying tonight, it’s your responsibility to be extra charming and get someone to sleep away from home. But if you aren’t let treat this as a “see something say something” situation and snap a pic. Tweet at me or with #HalloweenWOS and I’ll put the best ones in a blog I sneak behind KFC’s back, like this one.
PS: If you’re going out tonight, you should go to Saloon. World Series and girls for dirt cheap.